Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
A bitchslap is in order.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
