Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Drunk is a universal language darling
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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