Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
