ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
