1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
