You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
