What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
