Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
