Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
