I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
