The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i was born a porn star she said
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
