I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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