I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
