My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
