You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
