just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
