Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He shit in the fireplace
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
