the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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