so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
