The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
