You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
