My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
