He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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