I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
