Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
