I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
