Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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