Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
