Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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