ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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