I want to stick my p in your. b.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
