May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
