Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
