you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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