I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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