All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
