I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Randomize
