did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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