I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
