You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
