no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Randomize
