One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
