that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
