I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
