"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
