I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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