I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
