Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
