glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
