her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We were destined to go to rehab together
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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