your parents love me but you hate me
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
